Bratislava

Ah, Eastern Europe. Although once home to communism and oppression, Eastern Europe is now known widely throughout the world as the place where college students get tortured and murdered. Luckily, when Kate and I went to Bratislava this past weekend, we survived (the locals must have smelled that we graduated).

Bratislava is the capital of Slovakia and home to cheap beer and cheap women. Although these two tonics are usually sold separately, you can readily find both in any corner pub. Taking advantage of both are the Brits. Yes, the Brits, who might as well hoist a flag up on the main square because they have completely fallen in love with this town.

Although only located only 40 km down the Danube from Vienna, this town shares little with the Austrian capital. Previously, the only thing I knew about Slovakia is that the nice, industrious lady (who is not an obstinate old cow) who lives down the street from my mother claims to be Slovakian. But on this trip I learned:

1) The language needs more vowels.
2) The word “backwater” can describe the town in so many ways.
3) Eastern Europe gets HOT in the summer.
4) Air conditioning never caught on outside of the States.

The last two things I learned should describe the majority of the pictures shown. In most of them, Kate asked before I took the picture if I could see her armpit sweat. “No, honey. Of course not,” I fibbed.

Each time she believed me.

This picture shows a bad attempt to portray exhaustion after climbing up to the town’s castle, which sits on a high bluff overlooking the Danube.

Ands this next one appears to be a medieval musical instrument only used at raunchy Eastern European parties where Stolichnaya runs as freely as my bowels after drinking the local water.

In all, Slovakia was good. If I were a single Brit looking for cheap beer and cheaper women, it may have been better. But, I’ll settle for avoiding torture any day.