Kletterwald and Holland

Here at the editorial office of the Wiesbaden Weekly, we get many letters and e-mails asking for more information about things to do around Wiesbaden. One recent letter was from an imaginary boy named Billy from Minburn, Iowa, who asked if there were big climbing trees in Wiesbaden.

Well Billy, as a matter of fact, there are. And, as another matter of fact, Kate and I recently went to this place called "Kletterwald" on the northern edge of Wiesbaden to do just that - climb trees, that is.

Kletterwald, which means climbing forest, is an area about the size of a football field that looks a lot like what I would assume basic training looks like, sans military folk. There are literally dozens of trees that are connected through a complicated web of ropes and wires. And crazy people like Kate and I actually pay good money to clamber on these ropes and wires, scaring ourselves half to death and injuring ourselves in the process. What fun!

At first, the average person at Kletterwald will climb to a platform located about 15 feet from the ground and feel confident as they calmly but wobbly walk across 10 or so suspended wooden boards. "That was nothing," they'll say to no one in particular as they nervously wipe their sweaty palms on their pants. "Ha, that was too easy."

Then, panic begins to settle in as they see the next test is to traverse a 20-foot gap using nothing but six or so hanging stirrups. Gulp.

The whole course takes about three or four hours - and after it's all done and your hands are worn from kung-fu-death-gripping the ropes, and your legs are trembling from the exertion-and-adrenaline cocktail, you look back at the tire swings and zip cords and think, "What the hell was I thinking? I need a freaking drink!"

Anyway, Billy...Billy? Billy, pay attention when I'm talking to you! OK, good. Thanks for writing - I hope I answered your question.

Also, Billy, we just thought you should know that there's more to do than just climb trees. In fact, Kate and I recently came back from a short business trip to Holland, where there are lots of things to do. If you ever go there, you should know that there are tons of friendly people in Holland - most of whom are located in and around what's officially called the seedy area. Yes, these friendly people openly welcome all tourists - and especially Americans - into their "coffee shops" so they can show you all the special things that you can't get anywhere else without serving five years with good behavior.

There's also an area called the "Red Light District," which surprisingly doesn't have as many red lights as you'd think. It does, however, have a lot of equally (and perhaps more) friendly people who wave at you through their big glass windows. They all look very friendly and seem to gesture passers-by to go inside and meet them - like there's some sort of freshly baked blueberry pie inside that you absolutely must try.

Holland is also great because they have lots of fatty foods, urinals on the street, and big wooden shoes to climb in. That alone is enough to entice most people to visit.

OK, all you crazy peeps out there in readerland - you too can send in your questions to us and we'll be happy to answer them as sarcastically we can.