Back in Deutschland

Hi guys,

As you’ve read, we’re back in Deutschland after a longish visit to the States and excited get back to our normal lives.

Oddly enough, one thing I noticed about our “normal” lives, however, is that they’re anything but normal compared to the pedestrian lives of those living in America. What the hell do I mean? Well, I’ve stolen a couple thoughts about the quirks of living here from expats and tourists and put them in one consolidated place (below) for your reading enjoyment.


There’s no deeper meaning about what I’m trying to indicate. I’m not indicating anything…just that life here is a little different. And here’s how:

German toilets. Seriously, what’s the deal? Other European toilets work much like their North American cousins. They are shaped a little differently, but the basic principle is the same: the excrement either lands directly in the water or it slides down a steep slope into the water, before being flushed away. Simple, effective and clean. See?

Not so the German toilet. The excrement lands on a bone-dry horizontal shelf, mere inches beneath one's posterior. Repeated flushings are required to slide the stash off the shelf into a small water-filled hole, from which it hopefully disappears. See?

What is the purpose of this toilet, you beseech? It does not save water - you must flush it eight or ten times to remove every last scrape and smear. It is not hygienic - the smell is ungodly. In fact, the German toilet is designed to facilitate stool examination via a built-in stool shelf. I wouldn't be surprised if the more expensive models include a digital scale: "Mein Gott, zwei kilogram!" exclaims Günter, joyful and relieved.

It’s a wise, healthy practice, argue Germans, a person's best defense against intestinal disease, water-borne parasites or worm-riddled, undercooked pork sausage. While this made perfectly good sense around 1900, thanks to improvements in public health the whole shelf business should have become obsolete shortly after World War II.

This is a ShotCode. Basically, it’s a circular barcode and apparently they're popping up all over. The circular sequence of black and white blocks represents a web address. The idea is people will be able to read and decode them via a mobile phone camera, thereby saving you from having to write down ormemorize a URL. Simply install the software on your phone and the next time you see a ShotCode, take a picture. The barcode is circular so it doesn't matter what angle the picture is taken.

Stasi, short for Staatsicherheit (State Security), were East Germany’s secret police. Starting next year, German school kids between 12 and 15 in the east German state of Saxony will be given compulsory "Stasi Studies" as part of their history curriculum. Why? Because of fears that the horror wrought by the infamous secret police will be forgotten.

Other things:

• In underground garages, the reserved parking spaces for women near the exits.
• In restaurants, that it's often harder to get the waiter's attention to pay the bill than it is to place your order.
• I can open the windows inwards as well as outwards which means you do not have to go outside to clean them.
• Public ping-pong tables in parks.
• Drinking beer on the street/subway.
• Doorknobs suck. No twist and open, close it from outside without a key.
• Breweries/hotels/restaurants with "since [the medieval times]" as their statement of longevity.
• Hiking trail distances measured in time instead of actual distanceEscalators which stop when not in use.
• The German obsession with organic foods