Tourgasm with Pecos, part IV: Krakow

Krakow rocks! If this place isn't on your list of places to see before you die, add it. It’s awesome. Kate was so surprised by the place, I practically had to fight to keep her eyebrows down.

Don't believe us? What about believing UNESCO, the UN organization that has been cataloguing outstanding cultural or natural sights since 1978? Although today they have 830 sites of great cultural heritage, in 1978 they had four. And one was Krakow’s historic city center. Krakow is the Boston of Poland: an old-fashioned cultural and intellectual nexus, complete with one of Europe's largest medieval marketplaces, central Europe's second oldest university, and scads of rowdy British lads on holiday stag parties sucking down cheap beer and ogling the beautiful young fillies. Here are some now!
Since the year 965, Krakow has been cool, reigning as the capital city of all of Eastern Europe. A lot of money has been poured into this city over the years, and a lot of remarkable architectural complexes were constructed. One of the first things we did when we arrived around 5 p.m. on Friday was head right toward one of those remarkable complexes – Wawel Castle.

Any good tourist guide will tell you that the castle, which sits high atop Wawel Hill overlooking the barge-filled Vistula River and the city, was the royal seat for six centuries of Polish kings with the kinds of names that make learning history fun: Boleslaus the Bold, Boleslaus the Chaste, Boleslaus the Squintmouth, Ladislaus the Elbow-High.

They’ll also tell you that Wawel Castle – with parts dating back to the 10th century –remains gorgeously intact despite Nazi occupation.

What they might not tell you is that the castle is home to what Hindus believe is one of the seven most powerful energy spots on the planet. According to the Chakra belief system, energy rings encircle the globe, only connecting at seven points: Jerusalem, Mecca, Rome...and Krakow’s Wawel Hill.

I had actually heard this before and was half-expecting to see peaceful long-haired types holding hands and kissing the castle wall. But our timing on that Friday evening must have been off. Either that, or they were scared away by the raucous British boys.

Our next stop was the famous main square, Rynek Glowny. Dominated by the twin-towered St. Mary’s Basilica and the behemoth Cloth Hall, the square looks pretty much the way it did in the Middle Ages. However, as vast as it is, the square has a folksy intimacy, bustling with horse-drawn carts, street musicians, cotton-candy vendors, gawking tourists, and break dancing Polish kids.

This square is where Krakow lives. And it’s gorgeous. We had dinner and beers at one of the fancier restaurants on the square, probably the most expensive area in Poland. Although this is very unlike us, the purchasing price parity was pretty favorable.

I had a very civilized goat cheese and walnut salad while Kate had some sort of fish with head and scales still attached. After it was served, she asked me very pleasantly if we wanted to go halves. No. It doesn't matter how good the fish tastes, that's a lot of work for sharp little bones.

Afterward, we indulged in dessert and coffee at another restaurant. I had a crepe suzette and cappucino while Kate had a banana split. The cost for dinner and dessert: $30.

While walking around that night, I didn’t see a single McDonalds, Starbucks, or other American empire there. And, other than a line of police vehicles and tinted-windowed BMWs who were apparently protecting and transporting someone with A LOT of money and power, we didn’t see any motorized vehicles either. Just attractive and fashionable people and lots of outdoor seating. Gotta love Europe.

Afterwards, we walked back to our luxurious six-bed hostel room (don’t ask…) and slept off the calories.

The next morning we rose early and headed out with the dog to the river, stopping by this statue of a fire-breathing dragon, which really breathes fire (as you can see).

The story is that the castle was built on top of the dragon's lair, which upset the dragon so much he took the king's daughter. In a scheme to get her back, the king hired someone to dress a lump of sulfur up in sheep's wool and use it as bait. The dragon took the bait, knew things didn't feel right in his stomach, drank the water from the nearby river, and exploded. Nice, huh? Here's a cute picture to get you over the idea of dragon bits.

Next, we stopped by the leafy ring that encircles the old town. This ring, about 200 feet wide, is called the Planty, and it sits where the 13th century protective walls and moat once stood. Complete with large fountains, walking paths, and benches, it’s a great place for a dog like Pecos to get out some energy and bark at young kids, both of which he's very good at.

We then explored parts of the old town that lie outside the town square. Here we found the city’s main gate, the “Great Barbican,” which was Europe’s most insurmountable piece of martial architecture when it was constructed, with three-meters thick walls, a 30-meter-wide moat, and 130 holes for archers.
Afterward, we took a LONG ASS WALKING TOUR IN THE RAIN OF SIGHTS WE’D ALREADY SEEN. It was then that I discovered my inner athlete – he’s a retired asthmatic bowler named Ted.

One interesting bit of info learned on the tour was about an unknown bugler who was shot in the neck by an arrow during the first raid on the city in the 1200s. Apparently, the bugler had seen the invading Tartars a little too late, and, right in the middle of sounding his warning call, he was shot, abruptly stopping the call.

Today, that brave bugler is commemorated every hour (even through the night) by the playing of that very same warning call. Here’s a shot of him doing it.
Finally, after a dinner of beer and pierogis, we went back to the area our hostel was in to see the darker side of Krakow’s history – a part of town called Kazimierz. This tightly packed warren of crooked cobblestones and peeling facades is Krakow’s old Jewish district, hauntingly preserved and evoking the past of some 17,000 Jews who were ghettoized before being shipped to nearby Auschwitz and Birkenau. This area came to attention in 1993 as the setting for Steven Spielberg’s film “Schindler’s List.” Other than occasionally bullet holes and a thick layer of ash and dust from neglect, the part of the city looks just as it did then, with seven synagogues, a cemetery, and other cultural remains preserved. We had dessert at a Jewish restaurant here and were accompanied by Klezmer music and some passing Germans who giggled at my tasteless Ikea shirt, which read “Free meatball eater” on the back. Here's me drinking "coffee with bitter herbs." The "herbs," by the way, were vodka I was surprised to find out. What makes Krakow interesting to me is that it has so many personalities. The river made it an economic powerhouse. The kings made it a proud and historic city. The university made it an exuberant, youthful, and intellectual magnet. The Holocaust made it a terrible reminder of war. Communism made it a forgotten city. The cheap living makes it a resthome for adventurous expats. The energy lines make it a pot-smoking hippy city. And the cheap booze makes it a brothel for Brits.

It’s a city of about 760,000 people. But it’s also a city of about the same number of reasons to go. If it’s not already the next Prague, it will be very soon. Plus, Pecos enjoyed it.