United States of Gluttony

Kate, Elizabeth, and I came back form our three-week trip to the States exactly 18.4 pounds heavier than when we left. (Kate’s most cited quote was, “Really? More donuts? OK.”)

Yes, our trip was pretty much three weeks of nonstop eating and family. Which is better than this 31-year-old Czech woman who is accused of combining those words in different ways: http://tinyurl.com/6ljqne. You know, the worst part about this (aside from the uncouthness of bringing this up) is the ease of finding that story online. God bless the internet.

Anyway, here’s our story of the States:

Maryland Part I

I don’t even think we were outside airport property when I started talking about food. Chipotle. I-hop. Donuts. Bagels. Cheesesteaks. I was ready for indulgence.

But first, Elizabeth had to help us unpack so we could all spend more time eating … and of course sharing stories with family. Mostly this revolved around watching Elizabeth interact with two very large and somewhat dim dogs. “Oh, she pulled his hair! Uh oh, she just went for the whisker! Oh look, he’s scared of her now ….” The fun never stopped.

Apart from pulling dogs’ hair and extremities, Elizabeth also tried a few new foods (chicken, cheerio-type puffs, peas, pears, pumpkin, chipotle) and hung out with her old man while Kate bided her time working.

Leonardtown

A short visit to Leonardtown started off with Elizabeth meeting this crazy lady who thought it was a good idea to have a baby play with and put in her mouth not just a plastic bag (a known choking hazard) but a plastic bag filled with trash. We later brought Elizabeth to her first “real” Mexican restaurant where the crazy lady allowed her to use a fork as a toy).

Seeking to flee from this woman as quickly and far as possible, Elizabeth and I ran off to the nearest safe haven we could find – a children’s playground where I helped Elizabeth go through her first wormhole on the swings. She was apprehensive at first, but after my lessons about how swings can actually take you through worm holes and even time warps, she found them to be quite fun.

Also during our time down there, we hung out with some great friends, Kate worked, and I showed Elizabeth how NOT to play Wii tennis, Randy us all the intricacies of Tetris, and Kate (when she wasn't working) tested her "Wii fitness" level to determine she was, in fact, an 87-year-old. She later got her fitness age down to 66. We're very proud of our mom-grandmom.

Alabama

Although the prospect of going to Alabama conjured up images of strange men on the Chattahoochee commenting on her dad’s purty mouth, she went along anyway because she knew there would be more family down there to ooh and ah her every move. Plus she was excited to go in her first body of water below the Arctic Circle.

Although most of the trip was spent hanging out with her father, learning all about the wonders of air conditioning, and watching her mom get frustrated at the slow internet connection, she also managed to find an inner tube and make her way into some pretty awesome portraits if I say so myself.

Philly

I had a one-day work trip that allowed us to hang out in the City of Brotherly Love for a night with William Penn (in focus in the background. For the longest time, no building in the city could be higher than his hat).

While in Philly, Kate tried one of the city’s famous artery cloggers from Jim’s on South St. (The Yoo-hoo was mine. Kate wouldn’t dare fill herself with empty calories like that!)

And, when Kate wasn’t working and Elizabeth wasn’t napping, they managed to find a children’s park to play in where Elizabeth tried to explain the concept of worm holes to Kate. Kate then complimented her imagination and kept pushing her at a speed far too slow for intergalactic transport. They also discovered this glittery netherworld called Magic Gardens, which was closed when we went by: http://www.philadelphiasmagicgardens.org/.

Maryland Part II

Finally, we were back in the Old Line State for a few days where Elizabeth could relax while pulling brainless bow-wow whiskers, learn Hebrew on Shalom TV (her favorite), and, again, wait for Kate to be done working.

We did manage to get out of the air conditioning a few times. Here she’s sitting with GG watching one of the dogs do a comedy routine about missing every single pop-up thrown at him. Elizabeth thought this was hilarious. We all thought the dog had palsy.

The trip ended with an excursion to I-hop to see the crazy lady again who, according to Elizabeth, was indeed off her rocker but was still pretty fun.